The concept of “quiet quitting” has moved beyond office cubicles and entered the area of family trends, suggesting that you can maintain a relationship with your mother while drawing a line at emotional exhaustion. The original workplace definition describes performing the bare minimum to meet expectations rather than going above and beyond, a strategy that prioritizes mental energy over career advancement. Therapist Whitney Goodman notes that this approach can translate to personal connections, allowing individuals to stay linked to their mothers without sacrificing their own well-being. Even if a mother provides essential resources like health insurance or cultural connection, a child might still find the daily interaction draining, making a low-contact arrangement a valid option for preservation.
Going low-contact is often about establishing a boundary, or defining exactly what behavior you will and will not tolerate, which can be difficult when a parent does not like having limits placed on them. The specific definition varies from person to person, ranging from checking in via text or email to avoiding one-on-one visits entirely. Some people might consider talking once a week to be a significant pullback, while others might only manage a yearly check-in.
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The goal is to create a dynamic that allows the individual to tend to other important parts of their life rather than constantly worrying about how to handle the next interaction. Logistically, the decision to pull back often stems from a relationship that feels painful or draining, particularly when past attempts to set limits have been ignored. If a mother has a history of violating boundaries or blowing through guardrails, a person might need to implement stronger limitations to protect their peace. This process is best viewed as a series of experiments where you test different levels of contact to see what feels sustainable.
You can start small, perhaps by delaying a response to a text or avoiding unannounced visits, and adjust based on how the relationship evolves. Therapist Whitney Goodman emphasizes that this process is a series of experiments where you pull back from the relationship in different ways to see what feels good and what doesn’t. You can then use that information to determine how much contact is too much—or not enough. You don’t have to formally announce that you’re going low-contact, but giving your mother a heads-up might be useful if you need her to change her behavior. You could also simply hold back information about your life or avoid certain events without discussing it first, a strategy that can feel strange but is sometimes necessary to avoid repetitive confrontations.
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Keeping track of your feelings is the best way to tell if the new arrangement is working for you, whether you use a journal, an app, or regular therapy sessions. It is important to recognize that emotions can be complicated; you might feel relief at having space but also miss the connection. This duality is normal, especially after breaking long-standing patterns where you might feel purposeless or lost, a sensation that can happen when you stop focusing so much on a specific relationship. Over time, the intensity of these conflicting feelings should decrease, replaced by a sense of peace and more energy to focus on other areas of your life.
If the current level of contact still leaves you drained, anxious, or depressed, or if your mother continues to violate your boundaries, you may need to adjust your plans further. This might mean starting back at the beginning and implementing stricter limitations until you find a point that feels manageable. The goal is simply to feel less stressed about interactions with your mother and to protect the parts of the relationship that you love while letting go of the rest.
